Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Wearers take heed this season’s heels are tall, skyscraper tall, and as a consequence are heaving a number of unusual circumstances our way.

Innumerable design houses have peaked at fifteen centimeters while others are still climbing, and although some fashion mafia have embargoed this season’s must-haves, a number of us
(and yes, I am including myself in the midst of the insane) are braving the movement with tenacious enchantment.

Yves Saint Laurent’s latest contributions not only exhibit a house brick magnitude platform base, they are exclamation marked by a fifteen centimeter heel resembling a knitting needle. Simply put, you have to be unreservedly abstemious to sample these treasures and you sure as heck better have the most physically commanding ankles in existence. Blustering down the street in these will undoubtedly exhibit saucy but Naomi Campbelling it in public would be catastrophic.

The collateral damage doesn’t stop at the average folk; several veteran models created their own natural disasters at recent Fashion Weeks in altitude defying heels with numerous tumbles taken throughout runway shows resembling Bambi’s first steps, no doubt a combination of impossible heels and a highly polished runway.

Risk of fractured and sprained body parts aside, there is a secondary but equally disastrous impasse manifesting. A social quandary, if you will.

Not all women donning these specimens are diminutive, many are of average stature and some were tall at the outset. Accordingly, women are getting taller with the help of these outrageous stilts and the societal fallout is riotous. Despite the fact the majority of men aren’t psychologically scarred by having to speak into a woman’s cleavage, it doesn’t (if truth be told), illustrate him in the best light.

This spectacle is apparent at most bars, clubs and restaurants across the globe. At a recent opening of a high-end boutique, accompanied by a colleague who is not particularly robust in stature, we are greeted at the entrance by a group of girlfriends, all looking Très Chic in their opaques and gargantuan stilettos. It took an exclamation from my colleague regarding her verbal communication into my breasts for the entire evening to realize that we looked like a scene from Attack of the Über Blondes.

For gents who surpass six feet this is by and large not going to be a cause of great anxiety, but for those a little under-tall this is not tremendous news. Aside from the predictable short man's syndrome that can potentially be triggered, bending down to talk to someone that isn’t five years old is slightly uncomfortable, both orthopedically and socially. A conundrum that can be a little precarious for a gal on the dating circuit, being an entire head height above a person of interest isn’t exactly a lubricant for witty banter, pending the sense of humour of the conversation counterpart.

It begs the query, if the woman in question is not wearing sky-high stilettos and is simply the same height shoeless as the potential suitor, does he meet her criteria? Universally the majority of women have a set of guidelines covering both attitude and physical appearance that are deal breakers; frighteningly we are often encouraged to write this list down. Strangely enough, a short man is unlikely to make the shortlist.

So where does this leave the men? Do men under six feet tall just sit this season on the bench waiting this one out for the opportunity to have a tête-à-tête with a less elevated female? Or do some parts of The List get waivered for a great guy we just can’t wear Louis Vuitton’s current tribal platforms in the company of?

At the risk of clogging up my Inbox with disgruntled gents articulating opinions on the subject, I put to all women that this is a significant dilemma. If you are one of the fashion faithful that have decided to invest the value of an overseas jaunt into a selection of fifteen centimeter designer heels, are you going to chose not to wear them to that hot party Friday night because your man of the moment is undersized in comparison? I think not.

Does he rise above this issue and become tolerant with his partner being modestly taller for the evening or does he get emotional over the subject? Clearly Tom Cruise had immense issues with Nicole Kidman wearing heels in his presence. The new Alexander McQueen’s would have him jovially posing for the camera alongside her belly button.

Could this season’s heels propagate short man’s syndrome in the average heighted bloke?

Is the best cause of action to suck it up, deal with it and let the wave of time wither the trend of the skyscraper heel with customary succession?

An intelligent man would endorse the advantages this heel can generate to his benefit. Most women sliding into a stiletto of this magnitude report significantly increased feelings of power, confidence and sex appeal. How can that be a bad thing?

Dismissing any groundless thoughts of inadequacy and utilizing her augmented self confidence can only be a good thing. Surely it is all about how you look at the problem at hand? Is she feeling strong, powerful and sexy? Yes. Are her feet going to be killing her when she gets home and will she remove them post-haste? Yes. Will her euphoric state remain and can he make use of it? Only if he is smart.

The reality is these heels, like all trends, won’t last forever. Take it one step further and buy her some sensational lingerie AND a new pair of stilettos to really embrace the moment, if you dare…

It’s all about how you look at the problem at hand. Maybe you’ll encourage her to wear them next season as well?

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